A devout Christian woman is trying to make it into the best church in her community... It's in the richest neighborhood. It has the most beautiful stained glass windows. And people from the country club have a big social life there. Every morning or evening before mass the bell rings. And every night after everyone leaves the fancy iron gates are shut and locked. Well the woman falls quite in love with the idea of attending that church, even if it is a bit out of her way. One Sunday she goes to attend but is barred at the door. She's told she has to present her membership card. When she asks how to get one she's told that not only must she pay for the country club membership, HOA fees in their neighborhood, but she also has to prove she does a lot of charitable work. After that the leaders of the church will examine her case and decide if she's a good fit for their church. The woman is a bit crushed and discouraged...but...ultimately decides its worth it because it's such a beautiful building to attend church in. So she does it. She sets aside money from her paychecks to pay the fees, and starts volunteering at soup kitchens and donating to charities for good causes. When she thinks she's surely done enough she goes back. But her membership is denied again. She's not doing and giving as much as everyone else there. That night she takes it tearfully to prayer. Begging Jesus for the wisdom of what else can she do to get in there. The response comes back: "I DIED for them... and I've been trying to get in for years!"

This guy in his 50s goes to the doctor. "What’s your daily activity level like?" the doctor asks. "Why do you ask?" "Well, a guy your age, probably not eating all that healthy, probably not getting that much exercise…" The guy shrugs. "Yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake and outran a wild dog in the heavy brush." "Well, that sounds pretty good," the doctor comments. "That’s nothing," the guy says. "The day before, I marched up and down several hills and outran a couple of bears." "That sounds really impressive." "And last weekend, I crawled out of quicksand, stood in a patch of poison ivy, and knocked down a small tree.” "Well," the doctor says, "it sounds like you’re one hell of an outdoorsman!" "Nah," the guy replies, "I'm just real lousy at golf."