A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that fact. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. "I'm great!" She replies. "What are you doing?" "I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are stupid. So I painted the house!" "That's wonderful, honey. Thank you!" He beams. "Just one question, though, "why are you wearing your ski jacket over your fur coat?" "Well, I wanted to be thorough, and the directions on the paint can say: "For best results, put on two coats.""

An elderly man rear ends a young man driving an expensive sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look what you did to my car” he yells. “you’re gonna give me $10,000 right now or I’m gonna beat you to a pulp!” “Oh my” says the old man, "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son, he trains dolphins and he’ll know what to do." "Dolphins...", the other driver huffs, while rolling his eyes. The old man pulls out his phone, dials his son and just as the son answers, the irate man snatches the phone away from the old man. "So, YOU’RE a dolphin trainer, huh? Well, your old man here just rear ended my car and I need ten grand right now or I’m gonna beat you AND your old man to a pulp. So you better train those dolphins to bring you some cash!" "I’ll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end. Exactly ten minutes later a pickup truck pulls up. A huge guy hops out and proceeds to walk calmly towards the bully. Before the enraged young man can speak, the man smoothly rams his head against the other man's forehead. The bully crumples like paper and the other man catches him, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he’s finished, he walks over to the old man and says: “For the last time dad... I train seals... Navy Seals…. NOT dolphins.”

A little 12-year-old girl was walking home when a big man on a black motorcycle pulled up beside her. After following along for a while, the rider turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl," and winks, "do you want to go for a ride?" "NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking. The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Come on now, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back." "NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street. The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, "Okay, last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks and a big bag of candy if you just hop on the back of my bike." Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and says, pointedly: "Look Dad, you're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley...YOU RIDE IT!"

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," said Little Johnny. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it juice?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" "A puppy!"