“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari