"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry