“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot