"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul