"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”