“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler