“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”