“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin