"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux