"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."