"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."