“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."