"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns