"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike