"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."