"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."