"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."