I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
Great news! I'm a movie director now! I gave stellar directions to a very lovely family on their way to the theatre.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
Friend of mine got sacked as a set designer for not producing anything. He didn't make a scene.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
Theatre - the one place it doesn't pay to read between the line.
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.