When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Theatre - the one place it doesn't pay to read between the line.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
Friend of mine got sacked as a set designer for not producing anything. He didn't make a scene.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Great news! I'm a movie director now! I gave stellar directions to a very lovely family on their way to the theatre.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.