moodle polymtl app Jokes

How do different professionals measure the volume of a ball? Mathematician: Measures the dimensions of the ball and calculates the volume. Engineer: Looks up the volume in the ball catalog. Physicist: Submerges the ball in a beaker of water and measures the displacement. Statistician: Compiles thousands of guesses about the volume without a single answer being correct. Lawyer: Explains to you why it is legally someone else's job to calculate the volume. Politician: Tells you every statistic about the ball, from every angle, his opinions on the ball, and his opponents' opinions, but still won't answer the question you actually asked. Banker: Prefers to invest in other people's guesses about the volume and charge a commission on the profits. Psychologist: Sits with the ball for an hour and tries to get it to talk about itself and its volume. Mechanic: Doesn't care about the volume, but asks when was the last time you replaced its timing belt. Economist: Explains that the volume depends on supply, demand, and global market conditions, and predicts that it will likely change in the future. Tech Guy: Develops an app to measure ball volume, which crashes the first time you try to launch it. Doctor: Asks if the ball is experiencing any pain, orders some lab tests, and will get back to you with an answer in two weeks.

A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to look at the pets. He sees a monkey with a price tag of $5,000. This makes him curious, as most other monkeys are $500 at most. He then goes to the merchant to ask for details. "Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?" "That's our computer monkey. It knows Windows 7 and windows 10, and also knows Word, C++, .net, app programming, and last but not least, it knows how to fix computers if yours breaks." "Wow!" Declared his customer. "That's a good monkey, well worth the money." He goes and finds another monkey with a price of $10,000 and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "That's a highly specialized monkey. It knows 5 languages and can translate fluently between them." "That's amazing!" Says the man excitedly. "That's WELL worth the money!" "Yea, but if you buy one you have to buy all three. They work together." The man follows the seller's pointing finger to yet a third monkey, just sitting there with a price tag of $20,000. "Gosh, what does THIS monkey to justify that ridiculous amount of money?" "To be honest, I've never seen him doing anything, but the other two call him Project Manager."

A boy goes to his father in 2032 and asks him: "Daddy, how was I born?" "Ah, very well," His dad sighed. "One day you'll find out anyway. How shall I put it in a way your generation will understand... Well," he said "mom and dad got together in an app. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber café. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story!"