This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.