Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.