Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.