Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.