I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.