Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."