There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.