Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."