How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.