What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.