My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"