Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.