What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.