Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.