What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”