Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.