What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.