Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff