How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.