Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.