Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.