Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.