What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.