Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid