Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.