I love all my computer brands and sometimes give ’em smooches.
But I never kiss Intel.
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
My little girl just asked for a goodnight kiss on her nose....
I said I can't kiss that thing it smells!
How do flowers kiss?
With their tulips
What’s it like to kiss a vampire?
A real pain in the neck!
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
Its ok to kiss a nun....
But don't get into the habit.
What shape is a kiss?
A-lip-tickle.
Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?
Because it's only the first date
How do you get a teddy bear across the border?
You snuggle it across.
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
"I think you should embrace the change, son"
Said my father as he handed me a handful of coins.
What's the deal with people who refuse to embrace technology?
Answers on a postcard please.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes
So she gave me a hug!!!
Which sea creature gives the best hugs?
A cuttlefish
My wife and were on the sofa and I lean in for a cuddle.
She says: "careful I'm holding a tea!"
And I say: "and I'm holding you, so I guess we're both holding letters of the alphabet"
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
My counselor gave me a hug today
I guess I got shrinkwrapped
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
Why did the skeleton need a hug?
Because he had nobody.
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.
It was touch and go from there on.
What’s green and mean and stabs you when you hug it?
Cactus
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.
That's just how I roll
What do you call someone that's hungry for some cuddles?
Hugry.
Their romance started by candlelight.
But it only lasted a wick.
I'm reading a romance book in Braille.
I don't think I'll finish. It's too touchy feely for me.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
I want hue
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever ?
Why were the melon lovers sad?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
What do German meat lovers breathe?
Hamburg-air
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
A juni-purr.
What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?
A babe-blade.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
How did the telephone propose to his girl?
Duh, ain’t it obvious? He gave her a ring!
I always find artists romantic because when they love you, they do it with all their art.
Did you hear Harry’s girlfriend left him for Keith?
Yeah, she was always telling the poor guy to Harry up, turns out she found someone who could Keith better.
Why is it always easy for vampires to find their better halves?
Because it’s always love at first bite.