After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.