Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.