Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.