A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.