What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.