"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.