Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.