"Running makes me feel less like I want to kill people."
From a runner's T-shirt
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
"If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
P.Z. Pearce
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
"It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him."
Mike Royko
"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Erma Bombeck
"Slow runners make fast runners look good. Thank you."
From the back of a T-shirt
"It's rude to count people as you pass them. Out loud."
From an Adidas ad
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
“Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.”
Stanley from The Office
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong
"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
"I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty."
Wendy Liebman
"If found on ground, please drag to finish line."
From a runner's T-shirt
"If you feel bad at 10 miles, you're in trouble. If you feel bad at 20 miles, you're normal. If you don't feel bad at 26 miles, you're abnormal."
Rob de Castella
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
"I run so my goals in life will continue to get bigger instead of my belly."
Bill Kirby
"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin
"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
Step one to running a marathon: You run. There is no step two.
-Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
"Run. Because zombies will eat the untrained ones first."
From the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide
“I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty.” – Wendy Liebman
"Good things come slow. Especially in distance running."
Bill Dellinger
"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
“Running a marathon takes balls, other sports just play with them.” – Unknown
“I would sooner be prime minister of the moon than run another marathon. I’ve been really lucky. I didn’t have any toenails fall off or anything disgusting like that. I still have all three nipples.”
– Ryan Reynolds, actor
“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
"Your sweat is your fat crying. Keep it up."
From a runner's T-shirt
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman