Is everything wrong?
Are you the only one right?
Time to see a shrink.
I knew this gambler.
He bet it all on a bluff.
He is now homeless.
Lots of guilt to share.
What am I doing wrong now?
A Jewish mother.
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
A Haiku about getting out of bed:
No No No No No
No No No No No No No
No No No No No
Take me down to Hai-
ku City where the grass is
green, and the dammit.
Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.
Those little darlings
With their angelic eyes
Look harmless enough
But beneath their disguise
They’re nothing but thugs
With pure evil intent
These spawn of Satan
Are not heaven sent
These foul blackguards
Going about their sport
They say “Trick or treat”
As they happily extort
They squirt fake blood
On my front door
They egg my new car
I can’t take any more
I sit counting the minutes
Am I the only one?
Who just can’t wait
Till Halloween is done.
- Paul Curtis
Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
University.
Haikus confuse me
Too often they make no sense
hand me the pliers.
Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.
Five syllables here.
Seven more syllables here.
Are you happy now?
I see you driving
Round town with the girl I love
and I’m like Haiku.
My bunny is fat
He loves to eat cabbage
No wonder he’s fat.
Only so many
And so much to get done.
I’d rather take nap.
Pursuing phantoms
Came in the night
From hells realm
Making me take flight
I was so mortally scared
I needed a Bracer
And I quickly followed it
With a Chaser
Though spirituous liquors’
Have their merits
They were no defence
Against evil spirits
- Paul Curtis
My breakfast today,
bacon, eggs, and ice water.
I feel so healthy.
We went to a fancy dress party
With a Haloween theme
There was me and my girlfriend
And her twin sister Irene
However after a drink or two
Alcohol caused a bit of a hitch
As with twin witches I couldn't
Tell which witch was which
I sat on the pin.
It did not give me a grin.
Buy some marmalade.
Girl sat on a swing.
Trying to sing a song for god.
Missing him, not me.
My next door neighbor is a witch,
And she lives way down in a ditch.
Her clothing is a little strange,
Because she never wants to change.
She has a black robe and a black hat,
Green skin and a smelly black cat.
A big fat wart grows on her nose,
And seventeen pimples on her toes.
But...her food is EVEN worse,
Because she eats it course by course.
Her first course is seven dead bats,
Laid on top of seven rats.
Then she has twenty flies
With lots and lots of llama eyes.
Her main course is a horrible soup,
Because it's made with doggie poop.
But worst of all is her dessert.
It's little children rolled in dirt.
Last night she had a witch's feast
And turned into a greedy beast.
I think she cooked my best friend Tilly
And ate her with some peas and broccoli.
- by Samiya Vallee
It was Halloween and
We were on our way to a party
They were both dressed as vampires
And I was Professor Moriarty
We stopped at the supermarket
But didn’t have any cash
So we thought we’d steal some booze
Then make a dash
The bottles we wanted
Were on the very top of the racks
Which we couldn’t reach
So I had to stand on their backs
Once I had the bottles
Dracula hid them under his cape
And without drawing attention
We casually made our escape
But we were caught on CCTV
A very clear image by all accounts
I was charged with shoplifting
On two counts.
- Paul Curtis
I'm much funnier.
when I am drunk off my butt.
sadly, I'm sober.
Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that.
World is vast and wide.
So much out there to explore.
Right now, let's eat lunch.
I like kittens, YEAH!
They are really fluffy, YEAH!
OMG KITTENS.
Wanna go outside.
Oh NO! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!