Those little darlings
With their angelic eyes
Look harmless enough
But beneath their disguise
They’re nothing but thugs
With pure evil intent
These spawn of Satan
Are not heaven sent
These foul blackguards
Going about their sport
They say “Trick or treat”
As they happily extort
They squirt fake blood
On my front door
They egg my new car
I can’t take any more
I sit counting the minutes
Am I the only one?
Who just can’t wait
Till Halloween is done.
- Paul Curtis
My bunny is fat
He loves to eat cabbage
No wonder he’s fat.
My breakfast today,
bacon, eggs, and ice water.
I feel so healthy.
I'm much funnier.
when I am drunk off my butt.
sadly, I'm sober.
A Haiku about getting out of bed:
No No No No No
No No No No No No No
No No No No No
Take me down to Hai-
ku City where the grass is
green, and the dammit.
Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.
I see you driving
Round town with the girl I love
and I’m like Haiku.
This is the story of Casper Levenes,
A boy quite addicted to Heinz Spicy Beanz,
They boiled in his gut, fermented in his tum,
Then as a foul vapour they exited his bum.
His brothers said, Casper, that stench is quite vile,
Then they clubbed him with chair legs and said with great bile,
You're the smelliest human who's walked on this earth,
And really you should have been put down at birth.
As he fell to the ground he let out his last fart,
I'll never forget, in my death, your great part,
And when the church clock strikes midnight each night,
The brothers do quiver and shiver with fright.
For a stench that's quite eerie and reeks of the pit,
Pervades all their bedrooms and lounges and shit,
And they say to each other, that stink is the most,
It's our dead brother Casper, the flatulent ghost.
- Max Scratchman
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
If vampires can't see
Their own reflection
In a mirror or anything else
That's shiny
Then the thing I
Have always wondered is
How do they manage
To keep their hair tidy?
- Paul Curtis
World is vast and wide.
So much out there to explore.
Right now, let's eat lunch.
My cow gives less milk,
now that it has been eaten,
by a fierce dragon.
You use computers.
IPods, mobiles, cameras.
Why not write letters?
It was Halloween and
We were on our way to a party
They were both dressed as vampires
And I was Professor Moriarty
We stopped at the supermarket
But didn’t have any cash
So we thought we’d steal some booze
Then make a dash
The bottles we wanted
Were on the very top of the racks
Which we couldn’t reach
So I had to stand on their backs
Once I had the bottles
Dracula hid them under his cape
And without drawing attention
We casually made our escape
But we were caught on CCTV
A very clear image by all accounts
I was charged with shoplifting
On two counts.
- Paul Curtis
Girl sat on a swing.
Trying to sing a song for god.
Missing him, not me.
We went to a fancy dress party
With a Haloween theme
There was me and my girlfriend
And her twin sister Irene
However after a drink or two
Alcohol caused a bit of a hitch
As with twin witches I couldn't
Tell which witch was which
Rattle-skattle skeletons
clitter-clack each bone
Shrieksome banshees circle
and werewolves howl and moan.
Sh-sh-shake and shiver spectres
weeshly whisk along the halls
while plumptious orange pumpkins
throw their shadows on the walls.
Double-trouble witchy twins
are cooking up commotion
with rosy poison apples
bib-bobbing in their potion.
Black cats hide in shadows
with topaz eyes ashine
whilst Mummies gently moulder
in the cellar with the wine.
SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRATCH! and RAT-A-TAT!
Zoiks! Zombies — in the street!
Halloweenies here to party —
and cackling:
TRICK OR TREAT!
- Sarah Ziman
Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
I met a man, Stan.
His nature is Afghani.
Yes! Afghanistan.
Lots of guilt to share.
What am I doing wrong now?
A Jewish mother.
Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.
Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that.
I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?
Five syllables here.
Seven more syllables here.
Are you happy now?
I sat on the pin.
It did not give me a grin.
Buy some marmalade.