Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
University.
Those little darlings
With their angelic eyes
Look harmless enough
But beneath their disguise
They’re nothing but thugs
With pure evil intent
These spawn of Satan
Are not heaven sent
These foul blackguards
Going about their sport
They say “Trick or treat”
As they happily extort
They squirt fake blood
On my front door
They egg my new car
I can’t take any more
I sit counting the minutes
Am I the only one?
Who just can’t wait
Till Halloween is done.
- Paul Curtis
Expand your mind. Get
To work. Better yet, put your
Feet up. Watch TV.
If vampires can't see
Their own reflection
In a mirror or anything else
That's shiny
Then the thing I
Have always wondered is
How do they manage
To keep their hair tidy?
- Paul Curtis
How many light bulbs
Does it take to screw a shrink?
Oh, got it backwards.
Take me down to Hai-
ku City where the grass is
green, and the dammit.
I sat on the pin.
It did not give me a grin.
Buy some marmalade.
On Halloween night in the year 1804
Costumed as a witch, I knocked on a door
Now it's plain to see
A spell was cast on me
I became a frog, hopping on the floor
Years of Hallowed nights had all passed by
I was growing weary but had to try
to find a Prince to kiss
and the spell I could dis
Not one of the snooty royals would comply
I once sought the lips of a Prince Charming
Until fat frogs appeared to be swarming
All reaching for my lips
Such an apolcalypse
It was disgusting and quite alarming
In 1942 I trick-Or-Treated with Prince Chris
Who refused to smooch. Ah, I reminisce
So, I remained a frog
In a swamp, on a log
Because Chris said he was really a 'miss'
Halloween 2022, and what am I to do?
Over a century I've been sad and blue
A Prince to touch my lips
To stroke my curvy hips
Is there a man who'll kiss me among you?
- by Jenna Logan
My breakfast today,
bacon, eggs, and ice water.
I feel so healthy.
There was a knock at my door as I paced the hall floor, and I knew, without looking, who I'd meet,
There'd be goblins and witches and zombies with stitches, and they'd joyfully cry out, Trick or Treat!
They'd expect sugar candy and plums soaked in brandy, and cake that I'd pull from my stash,
Peanuts and sweeties and pumpkin-shaped wheaties, plus a ready supply of hard cash.
And like a Biblical flood, they'd be dripping in blood, and they'd tramp it all into my rug,
And it's safe to surmise, that their Halloween guise, will have run up some change for some mug.
So I yell through my 'box, be gone, you're a pox, I have not got sweets for to give,
But they said, listen, you git, we don't give a shit, get some in if you'd like for to live.
But I didn't feel threatened by these juvenile cretins, and I told them, be off, bug the next street,
But they whispered, no dice, now are you going to play nice, and cough-up our Halloween treat?
I said, enough is enough, I was in a real h
I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are devilled
- Paul Curtis
You use computers.
IPods, mobiles, cameras.
Why not write letters?
I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?
World is vast and wide.
So much out there to explore.
Right now, let's eat lunch.
The prowling youth
With fangs and cape
From trick or treat
There's no escape
Unless you make
Your own trick treats
And hand out bags
Of Ex-lax sweets.
- Patrick Winstanley
We went to a fancy dress party
With a Haloween theme
There was me and my girlfriend
And her twin sister Irene
However after a drink or two
Alcohol caused a bit of a hitch
As with twin witches I couldn't
Tell which witch was which
Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.
You think you're big.
With your fancy little words.
This is not so hard.
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
Five syllables here.
Seven more syllables here.
Are you happy now?
Pursuing phantoms
Came in the night
From hells realm
Making me take flight
I was so mortally scared
I needed a Bracer
And I quickly followed it
With a Chaser
Though spirituous liquors’
Have their merits
They were no defence
Against evil spirits
- Paul Curtis
Lots of guilt to share.
What am I doing wrong now?
A Jewish mother.
Only so many
And so much to get done.
I’d rather take nap.
I met a man, Stan.
His nature is Afghani.
Yes! Afghanistan.
A Haiku about getting out of bed:
No No No No No
No No No No No No No
No No No No No
My next door neighbor is a witch,
And she lives way down in a ditch.
Her clothing is a little strange,
Because she never wants to change.
She has a black robe and a black hat,
Green skin and a smelly black cat.
A big fat wart grows on her nose,
And seventeen pimples on her toes.
But...her food is EVEN worse,
Because she eats it course by course.
Her first course is seven dead bats,
Laid on top of seven rats.
Then she has twenty flies
With lots and lots of llama eyes.
Her main course is a horrible soup,
Because it's made with doggie poop.
But worst of all is her dessert.
It's little children rolled in dirt.
Last night she had a witch's feast
And turned into a greedy beast.
I think she cooked my best friend Tilly
And ate her with some peas and broccoli.
- by Samiya Vallee
Shoe laces.
Must attack at once.
Didn't know that was you.