Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
I really like you. So does my wife.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
You looked better when I was drunk.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
I think we need to become better strangers.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Can we still share a netflix account?
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
We're donion rings.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
You look like my future ex wife.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”