It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
We're donion rings.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Let’s make like a banana and split.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Can we still share a netflix account?
You looked better when I was drunk.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
You look like my future ex wife.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.