What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence