A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"