What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.