My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
I wanna bob for your apples.
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
What's the difference between butter and the corona virus?
Corona actually spreads.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
I am a mean green machine.