Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
There’s no trick in these pants.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
I wanna bob for your apples.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
I am a mean green machine.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.