My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
Nice pumpkins!
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
There’s no trick in these pants.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
I wanna bob for your apples.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.