My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
Car puns are really tiring
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.