What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Car puns are really tiring
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.