The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.