Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
We should make like your parents and split.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
You looked better when I was drunk.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
You are so right. And I am so left.