Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
"It's not me, it's you!"
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
We're donion rings.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.