"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.
We should make like your parents and split.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Can we still share a netflix account?
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
You look like my future ex wife.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.