You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
We should make like your parents and split.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
We're donion rings.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
"My cat doesn't like you."
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.