How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!