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Guess Jokes

Gnome Puns
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
The Blonde and Her Melons
The Blonde and Her Melons This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along. The guy asks, "What are you carrying?" "Melons," the blonde replies. "Cool," the guy says."If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?" The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them!"
Clothes Pick Up Lines
Guess what I’m wearing? The smile you gave me!
Are those Guess jeans? Because guess who wants to get into them.
Spotify Pick Up Lines
Guess my spotify is broken. I saw you on the top 10 of this month, but you're clearly a solid 11.
Orange Puns
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Elvis Pick Up Lines
Pretty lady, I guess wishes do come true, seeing as a boy like me met a a girl like you.
Ogre Puns
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
Tableware Puns
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.

I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Onion Puns
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
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