Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
You’re my heartthrob.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.