My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
You’re my heartthrob.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I have a heart-on for you.