Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
"Dying to have fun."
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce